Bad Romance

I've actually wanted to publish some photos I took on Sunday but I guess due to the connection and the fact that the only remaining option is to use my brother's computer, resulted in the inability to show those photos to you guys and DISGUST THE HELL OUT OF YOU! HAHAHA!
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Anyways! I have a conscience. I mean, come on, I'm a freaking animal lover = lots of compassion, caring and gentle. But, me? I'm annoying, irritating, noisy (glad to know I'm not delusional), mean, rude and have a poor taste in comments (which is similar to mean and rude). But what the heck. Call me inhumane but not anymore because after the major spar with Ms Lee, I somehow felt increasingly guilty. And yes this is the part when you can call me inhumane because before all these sparring sessions, I somehow didn't feel guilty at all. I told myself, "I do this because I hate them" so much so that I am immersed into that statement and I feel I should do this because I hate them.
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Now I'm not going through a personality change, I just want to reflect on my own, try to feel like I'm not the biggest jerk. Although I have to be since I've been screwed many times over I rather people hate me than use me for their personal interests. A guy friend (if you guys have been paying close attention enough) and I hung out at some place at night and he claimed that place to be his 'second home' and he knew most of the people there, I guess he got enormously jealous when the first time he brought me there, a girl asked for my number. He asked me if he could have the girl's number one day and I gave him cos I told him I was not at all interested in ah lians. But what if I liked her? But I don't and I won't. So the many years that have supplied countless experiences somehow made me feel like I can't be too nice anymore because if I'm nice, people don't change. If I change, people don't change, they hate me, which I find, it's somewhat a good thing.
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Like, in a sense, A is a backstabbing hypocrite (one such fella in my school, Jasmine knows who). So that's permanent. I treated her nicely, talked to her nicely, then I find out she's talking behind my back. OK fine, I won't treat her nicely anymore. One day she freaking smiled at me and I turned my head. You see, if I treat her nicely, I wind up disappointing myself. If I treat her harshly, I don't get disappointed and she hates me anyway so why should I care? Am I talking sense? Please tell me you guys do.
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I took some time reflecting this late afternoon and I've come to a conclusion: I won't be nice, neither will I be so mean. A little harsh side of me won't kill, but at least I won't get disappointed. Trust me when I found out, I was disappointed, and PISSED TO THE CORE. I hate getting screwed over. Hurts my pride and it stinks. So to people who have been screwed over by assholes, say, "I WILL NOT TOLERATE SUCH BEHAVIOUR AGAIN AND IF SO HAPPENS I SENSE A FUTURE OF MEETING SOMEONE LIKE THESE PEOPLE, JUST SHOOT THEM WITH OUR HARSH WORDS!". Now that's better.
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And of course, there's the category of innocent victims who did not do anything to you. True, you didn't. True, I hate you. So if I want to insult you, that's my problem. Why don't you insult me back? I swear I love to hear insults hurled at me. Don't do it on my tagboard, it shows me the pathetic statistics of the increasingly number of cowards than brave people. Overall conclusion: Guess I didn't learn much from my reflections, did I? HAHAHAHA!
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Oh sure, you may rejoice now, but it's for a day only. I won't be coming to school tomorrow! Instead, I will just be studying the whole day. School today was rather normal, perhaps. Yes, I figured I needed the extra time to study without any guide from teachers so I would know where I stand and that I would be able to 'build up' my doubts and then ask the teachers again. If VP wants to call me, let him be. If Ms Lee & Ms Tay wants to call me or my parents (which I highly doubt they will since they'll be celebrating the Absence Of Eugene Syn), then let them be (at this point, I feel they would since well, such a minor thing like 'coming to school late' and a phone call would be made to your parents, so I don't think that when I skip school would they then give that phone call a miss).
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Oh well. Bye!