Love In Winter

Hey everybody! OMG I DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TODAY. OK, I may have watched a few movies like Horton Hears A Who, Titanic and I had Additional Mathematics tuition (read last week's posts to find out why). I watched the latest episodes of XX's Guide To Life, Chick VS Dick, Numbnuts and Shan and Rozz show! HAHAHA! And bleddy hell, am I the only guy who teared when I watched how Mike proposed to Wendy a.k.a Xiaxue?! And I laughed at Xiaxue's reaction like, "Oh my fucking god". HAHAHAHAHA! Wah it's damn sweet lah.
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Anyway, I don't know, I just feel so lonely these few days. I can't say I'm desperate neither can I say I'm not available. I just want the feeling of being in love, being loved and loving someone. I can't say I'm a love addict and I can't say I love the feeling of falling in love. I can't say I will be a good boyfriend either. I don't know and I'm scared what I'll do will be a turn off or or, what if it's one-sided? I'm so afraid yet I want to be... afraid. I've been single my whole life, I mean, there has been like one relationship and that was long-distanced, which now I think it's completely stupid. There were moments where I fell in love but I guess things faded away or things went too fast.
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What if the next time I fall in love, the same things happen again? What if I lose interest? What if I'm a mean boyfriend? What if I'm so nice that I wind up hurt? It's altogether very hard to predict the future, but you know what? I think I'm sick of being single. I think I need boundaries. I hate to feel free and I hate to walk around aimlessly with absolutely no goals except for career. If things don't work out, then hopefully I won't get hurt. Plus, screw the effing horoscopes with the compatibility matches, no matter how I think it's true, I don't want to believe it cos I always tell myself this will be better. I'm willing to give this person a shot and I want to try it out.
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Then it all comes down to the main point, WHY IS THERE NO ONE OUT THERE FOR ME YET? Hahaha, uhm actually, there is. But I don't know what the future holds and it sure doesn't seem promising yet it doesn't seem hopeless, so I'm so freaking confused.